Bhangra Videos Suck! Yeah I said it....

Disclaimer: Before you read any further, you must note, that I am not taking shots at the actual singers or the songs they have sung. This entire entry is regarding bhangra videos, fotos, click click, zoom zoom pitcher, the horrendous plots, mimers, actors and dancers that Bhangra videos convey. Who's to blame for this garbage? the directors? the singers? I don't know but these are just my thoughts...

If there is a bhangra song that you absolutely love, and you want to keep enjoying it for years to come, I suggest that you stay away from its video. But if you want a good laugh, pick up a few Bhangra DVD compilations for your amusement. Unlike hiphop/reggae videos, bhangra videos appear to have a negative effect on its genre altogether. They in no way promote the genre of bhangra further, instead become a running joke within bhangra fans "did you see that gandh?" Why do they suck so much? If you've seen one bhangra video you have seen them all. They have become so redundent that you cannot tell one song apart from another. However, you can cateograzie these bhangra videos into 2 categories, 'Western Bhangra Vids' and 'Eastern Bhangra Vids'. The 'Western Bhangra Vids', as the name suggests are created in the western hemisphere (north america, UK) and the latter, represent videos from the motherland.

Bhangra has to be, one of the only genres of music where the bad videos out-number the good ones. You may say, "well thats a matter of personal opinion Samosa!", I would agree, if the majority of bhangra fans disagreed with my taste. However they don't and thus this blog entry.

So why do they suck so much?

Number 1, Lack of Creativity.
This lack of creativity appears to be inherent to our 'desi-culture' where most people just operate with the 'monkey see, monkey do' mentality.

"Hain? Tu apneh store vich DVD dey naal Meat bechda? meh vi vecha ga".

If you live around Toronto or the Vancouver area, you may have noticed the influx in 'desi-style' pizza shops. This desi-pizza business model proves my point perfectly. It takes the first person to do something different, and if it works for him/her, well then the next monkey says "it should work for me, kyo nahi?". This same model can be applied to Bhangra videos. In the Eastern bhangra videos, if you've seen one 'duet' bhangra video in front of a Chandigarh mall and some of the wackest back-up male dancers in questionable costumes from the disco-era, you've seen them all.

As for the West, you have lip-synced videos by some metrosexual dude miming some of the most hardcore panjabi lyrics, when off camera, he'll greet your mother by saying "Sas Si Kal".
These 'mimers' are usually best friends with the producer of the track or wannabe 5'4" models, whose egos have been inflated since aunty told their mother "your beta looks like Shah Rukh". This leads me to my next point why Bhangra videos suck so much.

Number 2, Mimers aka 'Lip-Sync-ers' aka 'Nah Bitch that ain't Angrez Ali'
I remember back when Dark n' Dangerous dropped, Shazia Manzoor had became the Miss Pooja of UK/North American bhangra scene. Dark n' Dangerous had made a huge impact in the Bhangra scene, rightly so, it is one of the best produced bhangra albums. So the after affects of this release included various fanpages of Shazia Manzoor, by her fans in the western hemisphere. Clearly, these fans had no idea what Shazia looked liked. So the hunt was on, most of her past efforts, prior to Dark n' Dangerous included a model on the cover. And this same model was used in her videos miming her songs. Here is one of 'her' album covers:


So clearly you can imagine the shock on the fans faces when they found out that their 'gori-gori soni soni Shazia' looked something like their favorite aunty: *Side Note, Bhangra album covers are a whole different topic, which i will tackle another day.


This mystery can now be applied to 'Sudesh Kumari', who has a brilliant voice, but has left her fans wondering which hotty is she really?

Is this her?


Or is this her?


Nope! But my friend, THIS IS HER at 0.33 sec mark (one of my favorite songs btw):


Mimers are rampant in the Western bhangra scene, but they have become like this ugly painting in your friend's house. It disgusted you at first sight, now you know where it is hangs, so the next time you arrive, you simply ignore it. And overall, the mimers in uk/north american videos do a terrible job, unlike their desi-counterparts, its very easy to spot the fakers. Not only are they bad mimers, they do these weird hand gestures that could misdirect airplane traffic at Heathrow. That 'hand-shit' works fine in hiphop videos but not in bhangra. In addition artists like Lehmber personally hates having mimers for his songs, he has mentioned this distaste in several interviews.

Here are a few vids from the 'Vest':

Apart from the obvious mimer, these guys are chiling with 2 beers in a tent while there are mad girls outside. What part of the game is this?

An excellent song, but dont agree with the video.



Number Tin, 'You ain't no Gangsta!'
Fine you wrote and recorded a song called "Donali Da Pyar", this does not mean, that you must act out every lyric in your song in some stereotypical gangster fashion. Leather jackets? Collars popped? Sunglasses? and the infamous "Blue Steel" look in all your camera angles? I mean as a director what have you been smoking watching? Happy Days re-runs and James Dean movies? Someone needs to show these directors "Hood 2 Hood" DVDs. The director will dump his entire Happy Days Special Edition collection in the gutter and reevaluate the "gangsterrr" image he had in his mind.

Here are some "Gangsta" bhangra videos: Peep at 2:20 mark, Nikku blinks when he fires a shot.... wait a minute A GUN?...IN A CLUB? on a BMX?


Every cliche i have mentioned, is here in this Balkar Sidhu song, "Gabru" (wicked song, but bad video). James Dean + Fonz + Bullet motorcycles =


forced hand signals + motocycle gang + hiphop gear on 40 year olds = this disaster. I cringe everytime I see this. I can only imagine the reaction of a non-desi channel surfer, on a saturday morning.


I'm done for now.... I'll continue this.

Call me The Panjabi Johnny Cash

Often i've been told I wear too much black. I never noticed this until people started pointing it out to me a few years ago. Recently, I revaluated my closet and sure enough, I have around 5 black sweaters, about 8 black shirts, many other shirts with a combination of black in them and plenty of black t-shirts. And what do I do to add color? White undershirts.

To sum it all up, I suck at using colors, another reason why the walls in my apartment remain "builder-white" and furniture, black. So, it is no surprise that I cannot pick a proper template for my bhangra-blog. I am trying all sorts of combinations/templates, so please be patient with me, as I try to master the art of color coordination that comes naturally to most females and Jazzy B. If it is really different from what you last visited, don't worry, you haven't stumbled onto a different site, it's just me clicking on different color swatches at my disposal. But so far, I think this green might work, who knows by the weekend... it might be something else. But let me know if you like this look and it will stay for a while.

Enough of this though, onto some bhangra....

Speaking of black and white, here are 3 white boys and 1 indian dude bustin' some moves and they sick with it..

Sunny Diamonds - High Commission Bhangra Edition Vol 2

Here is the second installment in the bhangra mixtape series, that Sunny Diamonds and I have been releasing every year or so. This particular mixtape was released in 2006 - i know, i know, a little late for this post right? But trust me this CD still bangs! This blog-post contains a preview of the first 15 tracks, just to let you know what the CD is all about. Its got a total of 63 tracks. A lot people dig this mixtape and rate it superior to any other bhangra mixtape they have ever heard. And I agree with them completely, not only because I'm featured on the CD, but just the fact, that the remixes and blends are simply mind-blowing. Not many mixtapes out there are like this. You can just pop this CD in when you are getting ready to go out or just in your car, without having to change CDs or tracks on your iPod. And all the remixes sound as if that is how the original tracks were produced, especially track 10, Sukhsinder Shinda's track "Balle". Click on "Part 2 of 2" in the youtube clips below to hear it, its the first track.

I will put the complete CD up for download here soon, my apologies, my DVD drive has been giving me some trouble lately. But check back soon.

Preview Part 1 of 2 (tracks 1 to 9)


Preview Part 2 of 2 (tracks 10 to 15)


Direct links if you want to rate it or comment on the mixes on Youtube

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/v/o9K5_nbw67E&hl=en

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/v/TF8bqu18VVk&hl=en

full album download coming soon. Check this space... :)

Tracklisting:

To Be Bindrakhia or Not to Be Bindrakhia...

While channel surfin' at my cousin's house today, i came across Alpha Etc Punjabi awards. What caught my attention, as soon as I switched to Alpha Etc channel was, this newcomer, Simranjit Simmi's voice. The 10 sec clip which they played for his nominated song had an uncanny resemblance to the late great Surjit Bindrakhia's vocals. So I quickly headed over to my favorite bhangra messageboard punjab2000.co.uk to create a post, and within few minutes I had a few responses, in which someone said Simranjit is not the only one who sounds like Bindrakhia, thereis another person, Sukhdev Bitta. This generated a curiosity in me and thus this blog entry. So, I will take this opportunity to create these comparisons and let you be the judge yourself.

For those of you unfamiliar with Bindrakhia... - I don't know what you are doing on my blog in the first place - Anyways, ...in the next 2 lines you will know who i am talking about... he is responsible for bhangra hits such as "Dupata Tera Sat Rang Da", 'ooooh' "Geetan Da Guldasta" 'aaaah' and the anthem "Tera Yaar Bolda" 'oooh yeaaaah! Now i remember!'. However, my personal favorite Bhindrakhia track has been "Rumaal" with the chorus line "Deeta challa vi leh gayi koh keh mera o rumaal sut gayi". Classic!!

He passed away in 2006 but he lives in the minds and hearts of Bhangra lovers of all ages. His voice was fresh and original in the mist of all Jazzy B and Kuldip Manak wannabes. He was respected by his peers and loved by his fans. And bhangra fans had truely lost a great voice and talent who had a lot more to offer. So before I introduce the comparisons I would like you to first recognize the legend's voice and then onto the guys who sound like him:

Surjit Bindrakhia - Tera Yaar Bolda




Now introducing contender number one, Simranjit Simmi. My good friends at punjab2000.co.uk dropped some knowledge on this guy, as I was unaware of him. He is the nephew of Surjit Bindrakhia and under whom he studied punjabi music. Wow, what better teacher can you ask for? And judging from his songs it appears he has the blessings of Shamsher Sandu, who was responsible for writing most, if not ALL of Bindrakhia's hits and Atul Sharma who was responsible for the production. The song for which Simranjit was nominated for, on Alpha ETC awards was "Puttar Panj Dariyawan De", in which he sounds exactly like Bindrakhia. In this particular song Simmi's voice sounds like early, younger Bindrakhia as he did on "Rumaal".

Simranjit Simmi - Dil Khon Di Schema


Now for contender number 2, again my boys at P2K came through and pointed me to Sukhdev Bitta, who looks like love child of Diljit and Inderjit Nikku lol (I kid, I keed), but yet sounds like Bindrakhia. However in this song, at some parts I thought he sounded like Sukhdev Darapuria, but I'll let you be the judge...



So I would like your opinion on this, do you think this is acceptable for bhangra? Would you accept these artists as they are, without having to compare them to Surjit at all times? In hiphop you had Gurrella Black who sounded excatly like Biggy but he was quickly 'hated on' by all fans, which in turn hurt his career. However this is Bhangra, where artists have great amount of respect for one another, regardless of what they may think behind closed doors. And if you ask Simranjit , I am pretty sure he will be flattered by the comparison. Infact you sort of expect him to sound like Bindrakhia because of his upbringing around Bindrakhia and having Shamsher Sandu and Atul Sharma producing his work. He is what Rahat Fateh Ali Khan is to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. As for Sukhdev Bitta, I don't know much about him, but I can see that he loves to imitate from his looks, presentation in videos to his vocals.

Something about Bhangra Competitions

No matter how excited I get at a thought of attending a Bhangra Competition, more often than not, I leave the venue drunk, confused, with a migraine headache and feeling a bit ripped off. There are several reasons for this:

a) you drink before you arrive at the venue and you somehow find ways to drink while you are there, even if it is a 'dry event'.

b) the performances NEVER match the flier in your hand, thus leaving you confused. "Performances by so and so" but "performer so and so" had problems with their visa. I mean what the fuck?

c) you can only take the sound of the dhol so much. Especially when its played some amature who took 2 lessons at school of Dhol Foundation in the same rhythm patterns. No matter how much I love the sound of the dhol, trust me it CAN get irritating, after 2 hrs of non-stop playing with no creativity.

d) lack of originality and authenticity from performers, i.e. teams dancing to the same songs. And if they have their own singer, the same singer is utilized for the next bhangra team.

e) To summarize, if you seen 1 team perform, you seen them all.

Overall, I personally think it's a total waste of time and money attending these events. Thus my reason for leaving the venue piss-faced drunk - something's got to give. Paying a $40 cover to watch bunch of kids dancing to Dushmani and Putt Jattan De mix is not my idea of a 'Bhangra Competition'. This I could do at any wedding reception here in Toronto.

But I am NOT putting the entire blame on the performers either, to their credit, some of the coordination is amazing and they put their all in. But my problem lies with the repetitiveness of each performance, i.e. choice of songs, style, overpriced tickets and false advertisement of said performers. These blame goes to the organizers, this is because they are "picking" these teams/performers to perform and setting the price. So, during the rehearsal aren't they exposed to every performance? And hence they could make a decision to ask the performers to pick a different song and/or singers to add variety. But I think the performers only fill in a form and pay a registration fee and show up on the day of the performance.

For proper bhangra competitions I turn to Youtube for my fix. "But Samosa King, you are not supporting our culture"....well watching kids incoporate break-dance and 'stomp the yard' techniques into Bhangra is not really supporting our culture either...and I'm just tired of the overpriced tickets.

And to think the organizers have the audacity to advertise "$100 VIP Tickets", which will get you closer to the Bhangra Teams and avoid lineups. OMG!!! REalllY?!!! I can actually be even closer to these performances and have Da Dhol give me a bigger headache than from my $40 ticket price you pay at a bhangra competition to a $40 ticket at any mainstream show. Its a total ripoff.

Don't even get me started on the "dress code" to a bhangra competition. I'm paying the money, I have to dress up, to sit in a seat, in the dark without a drink in my hand? What.the.fuck? I want to be comfortable, this ain't no opera, its a overpriced talent-show.

Mohammed Saddiq

One of my favorite Punjabi folk artist has been Mohammed Saddiq. Why? Well because of his versatility, his passion for music and the "dard" he puts in his sad songs. I've drank many a pegs while listening to him. And he's the only punjabi artist to have featured with Beenie Man and not even know it. LOL

I have uploaded 2 of his videos on my youtube account. One of them is a live performance from Professor Mohan Singh's Mela in 1992. The same mela where I posted the earlier video of the unknown singer performing Mirza.

Just watch this particular performance and be wowed. A lot of singers can learn from his stage presence, the song he is singing is a sad song, but his delivery ignites the audience. With little help from musicians his voice carries this entire performance. Just goes to show you, you don't need "Da Dhol" at every punjabi performance....

So, pour a peg of whiskey and drown in your sorrows with Mr. Saddiq..




Classic "Naiyo Bhulna Vichora"

Ravanhatta Artist from Prof. Mohan Singh's Mela

Man what can I say, this vid that i'm about to share with you will probably blow you away. I have no idea who the singer is, if anyone knows please drop it in the comments section here. The vid comes from the infamous Mohan Singh Mela which is held in Punjab to showcase punjabi talent. It was the breeding ground for a lot of today's well known artists.

Many have performed here, Kuldip Manak, Mohammed Saddiq, Manmohan Waris, just to name a few. I think any punjabi artist who took his art seriously HAD to peform here. Its like bhangra version of Reggae-Sting.

Well a very good friend of mine has tons of these tapes from this Mela, dating back to early 90s like this one. They were passed onto him by his very bhangra-loving father. Whom after seeing his collection, I'm not ashamed to call "Dad" either. He's got a lot of gems in his basement, which with his permission I shall unveil for you in due time or whenever time permits.

So in the meantime just to wet your appetite enjoy this piece. Take a good listen to his Ravanhatta, his nails, and most importantly his voice, which is just mind-blowing. Notice how far he steps away from the mic but is still audible. No dhol accompaniment, no fancy dancers, no backup vocalists, just pure rawness. Its really for those who love punjabi-folk in its rawest form. I know if Tru Skool and Specialist were to stumble onto my blog, they'd appreciate it.. Anyways too much chit chatter... watch this man rip chittars apart!!

Also a cookie for whoever can tell me who the fellow in the orange kurta is- the one who drops a few rupees in the singer's pocket. hint - he is a host of a local punjabi tv show in Toronto.

Classic Vids

Here are some classic vids I had uploaded to my Youtube account. 1st one is Gurdas Mann's boliyan which were recorded here in a local Toronto T.V. station. And the second one is a rare Jazzy B vid which is rarely discussed, "Do Jugtan". "Do Jugtan" shows early signs of Jazzy pushing envelopes of his own creativity and branching out and trying out something new. Earl Ferns produced it and it features 6-Pack, whom I know personally. Enjoy....

Gurdas Mann Boliyan.


Jazzy B. Do Jugtan

How to produce your very own bhangra album

I posted this on Punjab2000.co.uk a while ago and it got a lot of laughs so I thought I post it here... Also check out the "How to create your sequal" below which was posted recently on P2K. Enjoy...

If you are a Desi male between 16-39 you already qualify to become a dj/producer. No Experience necessary..so lets' begin...

1) Think of a funky dj name better yet copy a mainstream hiphop/garage artists's name and desify it. hrmm.... too many Doctors in the field Dr Zeus, Dr Dre etc... think of something else... 50 Cent is huge right now, how about "D-Unit"? Desi Unit get it? Clever innit?

2) Day dream about how your video is going to look like. What type of cars you will have in there. Just like the hiphop videos. Eventhough you do not have a song recorded yet, its a good thing to visualize how your video is going to be like. It will motivate you on completing your SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM.

3) Tell everyone around you, from your neighbour's cat to a stranger's grandmother that you are releasing your SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM. Tell anyone who bumps into you, infact make posters and stick them everywhere saying "COMING SOON". By not giving an exact date, the "Coming soon" poster will save you from printing alternate posters when your SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM does release by your now 6 yr old sister's 10th birthday.

4) If people ask you "how you gonna produce this album Pintu? You dont even know how to use a cassette player!". First give these "non-belivers" a mean look and tell them about your vast list of contacts who will help you in producing your SAMSHING DEBUT ALBUM. Tell them how you and Dr. Zeus were in the same room and breathed the same air. Tell them how Jazzy B's neighbour's cousin's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's aunt went to the same
Punjabi school as you. No stories are far fetched, use your imagination. End your stories with the sentence "Keep talking a$$hole wait till my album releases I ain't gonna thank you". This will shut up all nay-sayers and non-belivers.

5) Day dream and pick out clubs for your release party. This is essential because this is where you will get pu$$y. You will get to show your face to pre-teens who will be enamoured by your air-brushed face on your SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM cover. This is where you will serve them mixed drinks and take advantage of them a-la-R.Kelly. Tell all nay-sayers and non-belivers that they will not be invited. This will make them jealous and they will post on
various message boards about your inability to function a cassette player. Do not let these people hinder your plans for producing your SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM, conteversy sells, so will you.

6) Pick out your image. If you wear a Pug decide if you want your hair down or not. If you mix and match you will confuse your teenage fans they will be left with no choice but to offer their pu$$y to Bumpy the chunky sitar player who hangs around you for no apparent reason.

7) Become a snob. You are producing an album they are not. You are better than them.

Now finally time to produce an album...

8) Make calls to india better yet visit india. Find a singer any singer will do. Consider walking the fields and asking goat and cow herders to sing for you. If they speak punjabi and sing "Put Sardaran Deh" like how you remembered it. HIRE HIM.

9) Get him in a studio, promise the cow herder riches and teenage pu$$y in England. He will not refuse he will sing, he will sing his heart out. He will sing with a glimmer of hope that one day he will be famous as Jazzy B. Only to find out that his lack of personality and english skills will land
him a comfortable job at Heathrow directing travellers.

10) find dhol players. This is easy. Just step outside your house and yell I NEED DHOL PLAYER. I Gaurantee you will have more dhol players than you can shake your dhol sticks at.

11) Find a tumbi player. This is difficult. Back to india you go. Get the goat herder, promise him riches.... Follow step 9. He will play the tumbi like it was his own d!ck.

12) Pay someone to record these songs. Walk around the studio looking important. Keep looking at your "Coming Soon" posters and album covers. See if you can make yourself sexier by air-brushing those zitss, big as craters, from your face.

13) Make phone calls while album is being recorded. Let them hear the production work in the back. Let them know that "Coming Soon" is infact in a few days. This will make nay-sayers and non-belivers even more jealous. Their post count will rise on Messageboards as they insult you. Your clout is on the rise.

14) Your album is ready. Cow herder awaits his fame, Goat herder awaits his fame. Nay-Sayers await its arrival. Your mother loves you. Your girlfriend finds you 20% more sexier.

15) Reap the benefits. Forget the cow-herder/goat herder. Let them work at Heathrow. You've done it. YOUR SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM IS A SMASH. Online articles call you the next BIG thing. Bally Sagoo doesn't hold a candle against you.

Bhangra Teams

Well there are tons of bhangra teams out there. Every college, university, high school from Jallander to Alaska seems to have one. Especially now more than ever. I am rarely impressed with many of these bhangra teams in the Western hemisphere, mainly because they dance to hiphop infused bhangra while incoporating hiphop moves. Don't get me wrong, some can pull it off, others it just looks sad. And I like hiphop as well. The bhangra teams I prefer are usually more "Desi". The ones you probably write off as a "fobby night out". But once, just once, accompany your parents when they go out for these dinner-dance nights and you will be surprised. Here is what you may see...

Bhangra Team from Panjab

In the light of University Bhangra teams in North America. I really was impressed with this University of Florida's team... I know Khalsa Junction is good but this shit is mindblowing....

UF Bhangra Pt 1

UF Bhangra Pt 2


Both of the above examples provide an insight on a good bhangra team from Panjab (there are probably some better out there) to an amazing bhangra team in North America. They both show the importance of coordination.

Me personally I'm a big fan of old skool, slow bhangra moves, but once in a while I dont mind these Uni teams.

How to create a sequal to your bhangra album

After your successful "SMASHING DEBUT ALBUM", which was awarded the PLATINUM status by internet downloaders for easy access to your local C: drive, you are now ready to smash it up with a sequal.

That's right baby the much anticipated, according to your family and friends, Volume 2! Which will either make you the king of bhangra production or leave you at the mercy of your parent's taunts like "oye mr. dj, you suck, now back to studies you go"!

Here are some steps to help you solidify your place in the cut-throat bhangra industry. Your Production rates have increased, your gf now wears makeup, people are throwing vocals at you, haters are now waiting in line to suck your *ahem*...

shall we start?

1. This step should have been taken care of while you were in mid-production of your first album. Which is, print fliers for your Volume 2 and store them in a cool dry place, away from your loud-mouth friend Bhinda. Make sure the fliers say "MUCH ANTICIPATED RELEASE", and "COMING SOON", that you already knew..

2. Take a hiatus from the bhangra scene for a while, you dont want them to get sick of you. So take about 2 years off in between your first album, but distribute the fliers. Relax, you worked so hard on the first album, wait until people or you start posting on message boards asking "What happened to that guy?" Whatever you do, DO NOT REGISTER your USERNAME as your dj name spelled backwards. People will quickly realise who you are and laugh at you for starting a thread about yourself. This will be a low point in your career believe you me.

3. Inform people around you that this time its going to be BIGGER than ever. Drop some names of C-list mainstream celebrities, tell them that Vanilla Ice is going feature on my next album. This will create unprecedented buzz. You will be surprised at responses. Your gf will start wearing high-heels and mini skirts in your precence.

4. Always say that you are now "too busy". Like if someone comes up to you and says "Yo Dj Pappu, let me feature on your next album, i'm the diggady biggady biggady dope mc innnit". Your response.. "Too Busy"

5. People all want a piece of you now. Make sure you have enough photoshopped air brushed pictures of yourself on the internet. Use these pictures to pick up pu$$y on places such as hi5 and myspace. Dont let all that money your record company spent on you go to waste. Put those d**n pictures to good use.

6. You already pi$$ed off several singers and musicans on your first album by not crediting or paying them. Or paying them in bottles of cheap whiskey. So you need new singers, another plane ticket to india. REMEMBER: This time search for goat and cow herders in DIFFERENT PINDS.

7. During step 6, avoid eye contact with customs officer when you arrive and depart Heathrow aiport, you know the guy who sang the hit songs on your album. Yeah, that guy.

8. Drink often, god knows you might not be offered free booze at pubs after your second album drops.

9. Finally hit a studio with the vocals you collected. Hand them over to a talented inhouse producer. Watch what he does, offer ridicolous suggestions such as "I think we need to add a Saxaphone and remove this tumbi." This will get you kicked out of the studio so that producer can work in peace and you can talk to your new and improved gf outside while admiring your reflection in shiny objects.

10. Vol 2 is out but people hate it, it ain't as good as the first one. Truth: you didn't pay the producer properly and the singers from the different pind aren't as good as the singers on your first album. What you tell the public: Record company complications, too much downloading, i.e. no money! Haters ruined the game. Bhinda can't keep his mouth shut.

11. Remove yourself from that record company, establish your own supergroup consisting of "diggady diggady rapper" you first ignored and start paying visit to Heathrow customs officer often for him to sing again.